What I Have Been Avoiding Most

I'm published again. But this time, I wrote about the very thing I have been avoiding writing about the most.

2025 has been the year that I committed to being a ‘full-time writer.’ As I’m looking back over this year and the writing that I have produced, first of all, I am very proud of myself cuz I really did the damn thing y’all. But also, I realize that this declaration of ‘full-time writing’ had more to do with capitalism than anything else. Because this new title for myself was the indicator that signaled that I planned to make money, make my living this year just from writing.

Well, though I have made money on my writing (my Substack subscribers here- THANK YOU!!!, being a writing coach, writing paid essays for publications, and editing of a newsletter for a small business earlier in the year), my income has not been solely from writing.

But what declaring myself a ‘full-time writer’ did for me was highlight, accentuate, and affirm this truth that I have always known about myself. This declaration reminded me of and brought me back to myself as a precious child who, before I could even write, was making up and telling stories inside my head. This year has affirmed the little girl I was who began stapling pieces of college ruled paper together to make a book.

I have always been, and will always be, a writer.

And though writing isn’t the thing that paid all my bills this year, writing is the thing that helped sustain my sanity, infused my spiritual path, and kept me connected to one of my favorite things about my own humanity…the wonderful world that is my very romantic imagination, and the ability and determination to write about it.

My writing reminds me of my own depth and shines light into some of the darkest places where I am sometimes afraid to traverse alone.

My writing in the form of journaling especially is what has contributed significantly to my own healing as I sort myself out and honor my own unique processing of myself and my life, and those who are a part of it with me.

My writing was where I first began creating this magical little world where I live, always as the main character…and how fun it has been seeing how the people and places and things in my world weave themselves into very dramatic scenes of a very full life, well lived and well loved.

My writing is evidence that I am here and that I survived to tell the story…even the hard ones.

So when my dear friend and writing coach, Kim Marsh, invited me to contribute an essay to The Open Book Anthology, I didn’t hesitate to give her my full bodied YES!

I did hesitate, however, when she told me what this anthology would be about…

It is with great honor, pride and joy that I announce that my essay, The Vasectomy, is a part of the newly published anthology, ‘Avoided No More: On Writing Through Struggle, Shame and Self-Doubt’ and is now available for purchase.

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BEHIND THE SCENES

The following is an excerpt from my ‘Behind The Scenes’ section that is a part of my essay:

“So let’s go back to when I first heard the assignment…

Write the thing you are most terrified to write. The thing you’ve been avoiding.

And my topics shifted from parenting when your kids are grown to ex-wife grief.

Until a lover went in to get a vasectomy.

And that made me remember when my ex-husband went and got a vasectomy.

And I immediately felt it was time to tell this story. This story of wisdom, care, sacrifice, strength, and love. I wanted to make the act of getting a vasectomy a beautiful and honorable thing. Because it was and still is.

So I began to write about all of that.

And I knew it in that moment: these were the things I was most terrified, and also most delighted, to write about. And that’s when I realized that I was carrying so much grief about this season of parenting. I have an empty nest/heart, the father of my three children is dead, and two of my kids refuse to talk to me. (Meanwhile, my oldest daughter and I are best friends.)

I am sad that Chaz is gone, but I am also mad at him for leaving me to deal with the kids by myself. I am mad that he is not here to share the tremendous pride in them with me that only comes from being partners in bringing them into this world. I recognize this shitty feeling; it’s a weird and random, yet true, shade of grief today.

And yes, I’m complaining right now about my deceased ex-husband and how he has it so easy because he’s off somewhere in another dimension working on the next phase of his soul curriculum, while I’m still here, all by myself, with these three little blessings that we brought into this realm together. Sometimes I do feel that way. I understand that talking shit about parenting is not a properly glamourizing position to take. But this is the reality of parenting no one talks about.”

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ABOUT THE BOOK

14 Writers. 14 Stories. 14 Truths

The stories contained within this anthology were almost never written. Each contributing author dug deep to discover the one thing they’d avoided writing about and made the brave decision to speak their truth. But they didn’t stop there. Every essay in this collection also includes a companion piece, a “behind-the-scenes” look at what it took to move through the struggle, shame, self-doubt, fear, and more to put these words to the page.
Avoided No More reminds us that we all have stories buried within us, that there’s power in sharing our truth, and, perhaps most importantly, that none of us are truly alone on this journey.

14 authors. And 14 stories that we have all been avoiding writing about…until now.

This book is for everyone who has a particular story, or two or more, that scares the shit out of you when you think about telling or writing it.

This book is for anyone who has struggled with shame and self-doubt.

This book is for writers who need to know they are not alone in this wonderful and wacky world of writing, whether you consider yourself a ‘full-time writer’ or not.

Here are a few links where you can buy your copy:

My Bookshop.org store!

Barnes & Noble

Amazon

VIRTUAL BOOK LAUNCH PARTY

You are invited to attend the Virtual Book Launch Party for The Open Book Anthology.

Monday, November 24

11a-12:30p

Register to attend here (it’s free): Virtual Book Launch Party

*And I will be offering a few other virtual and in-person (yes, here with me in Costa Rica) events in the months to come to celebrate not only this beautiful, new anthology that I am part of, but to celebrate the journey of being, and all the ways we show up in the world, as the remarkable writers that we are.